Archive for the ‘BDSM’ Category

Service is not just for submissive’s

Posted: May 23, 2015 by harlow2 in D/s
When we hear the word “Service” in our lifestyle, we tend to automatically register the word to be a definitive submissive trait but let’s take a step back and think of it on a broader scale to also encompass Dominant’s when that word is thought of and used.

My DD serves me in many different ways that vary to some degree in my service to Him. He serves me by nurturing, guiding, disciplining, pushing me out of my comfort zone, stimulating my mind, tasking me to do things to help me and not just for His benefit, has my best interest at heart, cares for me, respects me, holds me accountable, values me and the list goes on and on.

I myself never related “service” to Dominant’s but the more I thought about it, the more I realized how we should be crediting our Dominant’s in their service. Just as submission is a gift, the same should be said about Dominance being a gift as well and we tend to lose sight of that.

~Harlow
5/22/2015

5/22/2015

Infidelity and BDSM

Posted: May 14, 2015 by harlow2 in D/s
3/24/2015

3/24/2015

No matter the lifestyle infidelity is not OK, it is not acceptable. Is there infidelity in BDSM? YES, just as there is infidelity in ANY lifestyle!

BDSM does not go hand in hand with infidelity and it shocks me that this is yet another huge misconception of the lifestyle. Many may want to feel better about their actions preaching this to others but that is all it is, justification for themselves to make them feel better about what they are doing.

I often wonder as I hear from other people, WHY it is so hard to allow your partner to see all aspects of yourself? Many people I have talked to have told me they would rather venture outside of their relationship because they do not “think” their partner will want anything to do with the needs they have. My first question’s to them are….
1) Why are you assuming, thinking and deciding for them?
2) How would you feel a few years down the road to find that your partner as well has been seeking fulfilment outside of your relationship because they THOUGHT for you and DECIDED for you that you would not want what they do?
3) Why would it be easier for you to be completely honest with a semi stranger about your deepest desire but when it comes to the person you are committed to you cannot be honest with them?
Most often than not, the responses are always the same…. “They will never understand” “They will think I’m a freak” and the one that personally makes me cringe is “This is just easier”

In my mind if you are in a committed relationship this is the person you are choosing to spend your life with and there should be no holding back on your desires or fear shame and judgement. If that is the case why are you investing your life with someone who is not going to accept you for who you are? Aren’t ALL relationships supposed to be about honesty and communication? To me they are and not just within BDSM.

D/s relationships themselves are based on the foundation of complete honesty which we all embrace for the most part. Imagine how many relationships would last longer if everyone actually was honest, stopped assuming for the other or fearing judgement. Honestly if your life partner is going to judge you, is that person worth committing yourself to them?

Don’t get me wrong, I am not looking down on those who DO venture outside of their relationship because there are MANY who do so for various reasons or consensually with their partners knowledge. I’m one of them being in an open marriage, which is not as easy as most think it is but it is something I had to do to live honestly not only in my marriage but also within my D/s relationship, so I do not judge anyone, however I do feel that when people approach me for advice and tell me about their situation and are only seeking to cheat because they feel it is easier and “accepted” within BDSM then that is where I have to say…. Whoa, hold up, take the lifestyle label out of this! BDSM and cheating do not go hand in hand nor is it an accepted practice just because we are no judgement community.– ~Harlow

The ideal D/s

Posted: May 10, 2015 by harlow2 in D/s

The ideal D/s relationship is one where both the Dominant and submissive constantly bring out the best in each other. Learning, growing and further strengthening their bond and devotion to one another. ~Harlow

5/9/2015

5/9/2015

Is there love in BDSM?

Posted: May 9, 2015 by harlow2 in D/s
4/18/2015

4/18/2015

There are so many different dynamics within BDSM that there is no set in stone rules when it comes to actual love needing to be a part of it one way or another. Many have the desire to find a love match whereas many only seeking a play partner and nothing more. BDSM and the relationship you seek is something only you can choose to custom fit based on your needs both physically and emotionally. Many have committed D/s relationships where “love” is not necessary but is just as deep and committed as one with love.

For me personally there does not have to be “love” I DO however have to “care” for my Dom because I could never surrender myself completely to another unless I cared for Him on a deeper level. I have had play partners but to me, that was not fulfilling enough as I desire a deeper commitment and a D/s relationship not just a session here or there if you will. With the Dominants I have had I have always been very straight forward in my expectations/limitations regarding my emotional needs so we would both know exactly what the other was looking for and if love was necessity for them then upfront I knew we were not compatible and saved ourselves unnecessary vesting of time and feelings. It is crucial to do your best by not only yourself but also your potential partner so neither creates false expectations.

If you want it all and love is something you need within your dynamic be open and honest about it and what you are looking to achieve with them. If you do not want love to play a part then say that without hesitation. No one can predict WHAT will grow in time or won’t. So if love “happens” then so be it but at least you’ll be able to truly start a relationship with someone honestly with all cards on the table and knowing well where you each stand. Communication, as always, is what it all boils down to. Don’t be afraid to throw the “L” word out there, just make sure your partner is seeking or open to the same emotional expectations too. ~Harlow

Dominant’s are human.

Posted: May 8, 2015 by harlow2 in D/s

For those that are new to this lifestyle I want to point out something to you all which I see day in day out that is yet another misconception out there and that is Dominants being viewed as “superior beings” superior in the sense that they are perfect, can do no wrong and or should be excused from taking any sort of accountability for things going wrong or for them doing wrong.

A Dominant is a normal person just like any other. They do not have “super powers” nor are they to be above reproach. A good Dominant knows that they are imperfect and will be open to their mistakes, accepting fault and working on themselves as well to improve in the area’s where they need to do so. Dominant’s should lead by example and by doing so and showing that they are human too leads to our trust in them to WANT to give up our control to them because they are responsible enough to trust in them completely knowing we will be safe and cared for not just dictated to.Always remember a Dominant should put your wants, needs, expectations, feelings etc first just as we as submissive’s should put our Dominant’s first. That is what the power exchange is about, it is a give and take NOT just take from either side. ~Harlow

12/26/14

12/26/14

My Favorite Place

Posted: May 7, 2015 by harlow2 in D/s

His lap is ALWAYS my favorite place to be :)

1/12/2015

1/12/2015

~Harlow

The Drops

Posted: May 5, 2015 by whipchainsducttape in BDSM, D/s, sub-drop, Submissive, The connection

Having sub-drop is not easy no matter what is going on in your life. Even if you have a support group, and great aftercare it can still happen. The best way to get through this is to be prepared, know the signs and communicate to your Dom/me.

There is a ton of information on varies sites about aftercare, aftercare kits etc…but not much about a sub-drop kit. Please don’t forget that sub-drop can happen to anyone, no matter how well you communicate or how great the aftercare was.

Let’s start off by discussing what your body goes through during a BDSM scene. Your body goes through many changes because of the pleasure and the pain throughout the scene. Your body’s natural reaction is to release epinephrine from the adrenal glands, as well as endorphins and enkephalins. This produces a trance like state, where our pain tolerance is higher and we have a floating feeling aka subspace. Your body enjoys this feeling, and does not react well when it’s over.  It can happen other ways as well like a “runner’s high”. When the scene is over and you float back down to reality you body can cause the opposite reaction called sub-drop.

While in sub-drop, you can feel depressed, very emotional, hopeless, embarrassed of the scene, needy, even suicidal. The effects vary from person to person and even vary with different scenes. This is why communication (yes that word again) is #1. Let your Dom/me or Top know if you have any mental problems, taking medication for it, or have had suicidal thought or actions. That way aftercare can be handled in a proper fashion.

The key to handling this in the best way possible is to know your body, know the signs, and being prepared. Now of course this will vary depending on if your relationship is LDR, On-line only, or if you live together. No matter what, have the aftercare kit, and a drop kit ready, it’s always better to be safe than to be sorry.

In your aftercare kit, I suggest a blanket (your temp can drop in subspace), hard candy or chocolate, your fave stuffie, water or Gatorade (need to re-hydrate after a scene), a dvd of your favorite movie, a letter from your Dom/me (Dom/me make sure you let them know just how proud you are of them and how far they have come in their submission), access to your Dom/me if you are in a LDR or on-line only type relationship (the first 24 hrs are the most crucial).

In your drop kit (some things may be the same or similar to the aftercare kit), i know some of these things are going to sound simple, but remember subdrop is very similar to a bad case of depression. A warm blanket, watch your favorite movie or a season of your favorite show, a schedule for the next day or so (any appointments, medication times, even a menu of food you need to prepare for you/your family), box of tissue, chocolate or hard candy, lots of water, take a walk (fresh air and sunlight can work wonders on your body), call a friend (sometimes talking about other things can take your mind off of what you’re going through), go see a movie with a friend (forcing you to get dressed, get fresh air, and enjoying yourself), take a bubble bath (candles, oils, your favorite music), get your hair cut, colored or just styled (pamper yourself), a body massage (works wonders, but take the bruises in consideration). The MOST important thing would be to communicate to your Dom/me or Top of what you are going through, talking it out can sometimes help you, also knowing this is normal and will pass can also help.

D/s or BDSM is NOT something you just jump into, education yourself about the different aspects of this lifestyle, knowing your needs AND your limits can help the scene, know your body both mental and physical, communication (before, during and after a scene), trusting your partner, and last but not least is to be prepared. All of this can help you and your partner have a productive scene, find a connection and form a bond.

If you have any question you can always reach me by Email.

by Jen of WCDT

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New line of toys~ Crush from Pipedream

Posted: April 30, 2015 by whipchainsducttape in D/s

Fabulous O has added a new line of toys called Crush from Pipedream Products. Crush delivers incredibly pleasurable stimulation by combining ultra-intense vibrations with a textured, curved design. Made from Elite Silicone® and polished ABS plastic, this waterproof vibe is smooth,   and sophisticated. The velvety-soft silicone is sleek and seamless, while the super powerful motor provides intense vibrations where they matter most. The flexible silicone shaft cleverly conforms to your body’s contours to reach your most sensitive spots. This makes Babe the perfect vibrator for both internal and external massages.

Choose a pulsation pattern by pressing the wave-shaped icon on the base and go from a flutter to a throb in seconds! Use plenty of Moist Body Lotion for even more thrilling sensations!

• Flexible Form for Pleasure & Comfort
• 10 Powerful Vibration Patterns
• 100% Waterproof
• Ultra-Smooth, Body-Safe Elite Silicone®

All of that AND at great affordable prices.  Here are some examples of the very sexy and erotic vibes offered at #FabOh.

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Fabulous Oh Toys

Posted: April 23, 2015 by whipchainsducttape in D/s

When searching for sexual toys online, its hard to know where to start. Quality of the toys, good prices, privacy and customer service always motivate me to buy, and keep me coming back. I have become friends with the founder of Fabulous O, now I am a c0-owner. I only vouch for something if i believe in it. The customer service is great, and really tries to make the customer happy.  Everyone at Fab O works really hard to get you the best of everything. Here are some of the items on the website, if there is something you want but don’t see, just mssg Fab O and they will do what they can to make it happen.

Contact pages for Fabulous O: Fabulous Oh & WCDT

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What’s new with WCDT?

Posted: April 21, 2015 by whipchainsducttape in D/s

WCDT has joined KIK (an app for phones and tablets) for one on one advice, discussion or just general support with myself or we have a group chat. To find me search June_WCDT or the chat search #WCDT.

I have started an online paper with paper.li called The WCDT Weekly, i wanted to go over a few things with you.  As far as i can tell (and im new at this), it headlines only a few items each time i publish, you need to go into the “archives” by picking a date, there it will show everything i have posted…including videos. I am always up for promoting others work, so if you have a blog and would like me to share an article, email me at WCDT. *please include a link to your article.

Thanks everyone for the continued support on all WCDT sites.

~June